An Open Letter to the ‘Good’ Punter

If you like sex, this is not a letter to you. If you like women, this is not a letter to you. If you’ve somehow put these things together and decided they give you the right to buy what you like, this is a letter to you.

If you’re a misogynistic bastard who gets off on hurting women, this is not a letter to you. Apart from the fact that nothing here would get through, I wouldn’t waste my fucking writing skills on you.

If you’re a man who buys sex and thinks you’re engaged in a mutually beneficial transaction that’s causing no harm, I’m talking to you.

I met many of you. So many. Too many. And I always wondered about you. I wondered, how could you justify this to yourself? How could you tell yourself – and believe it – that I was happy to have strangers’ fingers, penises and tongues shoved into the most private parts of me? How did you convince yourself that I’d be happy about something you’d never, in your wildest nightmares, wish on your own daughter? I wondered, most of all, how could you look at me and not see me?

Let me tell you who you are: you are the ‘good’ punter. You’re the man who has a laugh with the woman you’re buying. You’re the man who strokes her hair. You ask her how her day’s been. How she’s feeling. Why she’s doing this. Did you ever think to ask that of yourself?

You are the ‘good’ punter. If you see a bruise on her you’ll ask if she’s okay. Is anybody treating her violently? Yes. Many men are. Go in the bathroom. You’ll find one above the sink.

The truth, that you’re so desperate to flee from, is that you are just like a gentle rapist. Your attitude and demeanour does not mitigate what you do. The damage you’re causing is incalculable, but you tell yourself you’re doing no harm here, and you use the smiles of the women you buy as some kind of currency; they allow you to buy your own bullshit. I would know; I doled out that currency many times, and we both were that, we both doled out currency in different ways, you and me.

You came along because you wanted to spend what you had to spend, your load, which also meant your money; and you looked at me and you touched me and you fucked me and then you held me. That was always the worst part. I want you to know that. That was always the worst part.

I didn’t want to be held by you. I didn’t want to be cuddled. I didn’t want you close to me, never mind inside me. Your arms around me made me want to puke more than your penis ever did. I shut out that part; it was too horrible. Every moment with you was a lie, and I hated every second of it. And you bought that lie; believe me it was a lie you bought. I know, because I sold it.

In Costa Rica they say: ‘Who is more at fault, the one who sins for the pay or the one who pays for the sin?’ Those words were taken from a book about men like you. Victor Malarek’s ‘The Johns’. Can you see the truth in them?

You can, but you don’t want to acknowledge them. You don’t want to face up to that. It doesn’t fit with your view of what you do. It doesn’t fit with your view of who you are. But I know who you are.

I can see you now. You are the ‘good’ punter. You’ve got your fists shoved in your ears. You are the ‘good’ punter. And you don’t want to hear.

6 Responses to An Open Letter to the ‘Good’ Punter

  1. Bravo! Rachel, I couldn’t have said it better. I, too, am a survivor of prostitution and I despised these men–they were NEVER my “friend” and the ones who tried to be were tangibly worse than the ones who would just give me their money and let me do what they paid for and then get the fuck away from me!
    Thank you for your bravery, Rachel,
    In Sisterhood and Solidarity,
    Valarie

  2. Hi Rachel
    I imagine, not having been in you position that many girls and women feel the words you said. Well said.
    How did you get into this, Why did you continue? You obviously wanted so much more than sex for money.
    Adel

  3. You got a lot more money than a lot of jobs. If working in a cafe gets you $10 an hour, for $200-300, you’re going to have to sacrifice more. A guy works all day for an hour with you. You are paid to make him feel good. You shouldn’t later try to make blogs to make him feel good. If you don’t wish to do this, don’t. If some women do, and many would rather have a tough hour than a slightly less tough 20-30, then let them. Consenting adults should be able to do whatever they choose and you are wrong to lecture indiscriminately. You don’t know everyone. You say only men want to buy women, but as a pretty woman, any time you want sex you can go to a bar or cafe or online and get it. Many men can’t. They don’t look as good, make enough money, or have a developed, cool, female approved personality. Women have no idea what it feels like to really want sex and not be able to have it on demand, at your fingertips. Men have to suffer that without prostitution and even with it, sacrifice a lot of money for the benefit of the prostitute. There’s a reason not many women are homeless or in prison for mugging people and this is it. Sex is inherently enjoyable and there is something wrong with you if you cannot enjoy it. If you are this way don’t be a prostitute. The best ones are into it and try to enjoy their work. You are bitter about it years’ later. You should see a therapist rather than randomly insult people you don’t know. This is my opinion. Women fight for my business. If they don’t want it, they can walk away. No one is forcing anyone.

    • Leaving aside the fact that you are invalidating a survivor of paid-rape, implying she is crazy, who also has the lived experience of homelessness- you are saying that men must have a class of women to relieve themselves in to- and if we don’t provide that for them then we are responsible for male violence. That’s a pretty large indictment of all men right there, and a reprehensible thing to say about women! If having “sex” with 10-50 strangers a day is such a viable choice, then why isn’t every male from a CEO to a public toilet cleaner doing it? The only reason prostitution exists is because men demand it. Conflating prostitution with consensual, enjoyable sex is like conflating swimming with water-boarding in Guantanamo. You also ignore the fact that women ARE the majority of the homeless globally, but point out,correctly that no, we are not going around mugging people if we don’t happen to get our way! What nerve to say the author is randomly insulting people! It is rich coming from someone who ignores the lived experience of survivors and goes on to blame women for male incarceration while simultaneously relegating us to the ejaculatory device section of a supermarket!(Sorry, I mean cafe.)

  4. Every time I read a prostitution survivor tell the truth, as in Rachel Moran’s open letter to the soft rapists–the “good” punters of the world, I shout out to her a glorious war-cry of congratulations. Rachel, thank you for your strength, your resiliency, your courage in writing this wonderful open letter. To the “Floyd Thursbys” of the world, I say this: “Get a clue or two! Prostitution is not about a woman’s choice to fuck countless strangers for money. Hell no!!! What it’s really all about is you and your penis–the existence of the $99 billion-dollar sex industry (rape industry)is stark proof of this. In fact, the sex industry has been created and is driven by your need to have “sex-on-demand”. It’s about your insistence to cum regardless of the inestimable harms you cause the prostituted woman by doing so. Do not play upon my sympathies about how much more difficult it is for men in the dating world. That doesn’t give you the right to rape women for money. Instead, take yourself by the hand, go home and masturbate. You have the outrageous gall to speak of sacrifice to the prostituted woman? You’ve said, “Shut up, and put up with our paid rapes of you!” How fucking dare you!!! I guess I have to spell it out for you because you’re just not getting it!!! You have no idea the losses a prostituted woman experiences to receive your paltry sums. No matter how much you pay, your so-called “hard working” dollars pale by comparison to the price a prostituted woman pays for her loss of humanity. Your selfish sexual urges, and your rape money strip her of her rights to be fully human. Like I said, Floyd Furbers of the world, “Get clue or two!!!!”

  5. Reading Floyd Thursbys post it is so easy to see a lot that is wrong and dangerous in this world. This type of mind can not comprehend being humane overtotal selfishness, kindness over his own instant sexual gratification, wisdom over ignorance. It is easy to despair over such a display of narcissistic tunnel vision as the sex industries are built from such abhorrent, uninformed, ignorant and terrifyingly abusive thinking and actions. It is a good reminder of the unwell thinking out there. I take strength from the many voices of real wisdom and courage i read everywhere else on this site.

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